So the other day Andy and I were talking about relationship ‘deal-breakers’. When we first met I already had Marcus, he was just over 3 years old. This wasn’t an issue for Andy, at all. Seriously, he just classed Marcus as another part of me and accepted it without a second thought. Now we were friends first so it wasn’t a surprise for him, but none the less, there were no issues. There were no complaints when I couldn’t leave the house most evenings, or if I wasn’t available at the weekends as I was with Marcus, or when the house was covered in toys and I was pulling my hair out as Marcus wouldn’t stay in bed. You mothers out there know how much fun that phase is…

But when he asked me in our ‘deal-breakers’ conversation if I would be with him if he had had a child, I immediately answered no. To me, a man having another child, at that time in my life, was just a massive no. I think mainly because I had such little self-confidence and so little self-worth that not being the number 1 priority just wasn’t an option. How could I really feel loved by someone if they love someone else? To be honest sometimes I still find it hard to accept how much Andy loves Scarlett, I know I know it is completely ridiculous and irrational and I understand that. I love how much Andy loves the kids, I would be worried if he didn’t, but there is a tiny, green goblin inside me that rears it’s ugly head and niggles at me, taunting me that I’m not number 1 anymore. And, again, I honestly wouldn’t want to be number 1 when there are kids involved, but I’m still not 100% there with the whole self-worth thing…anyway I’m digressing…

My point is, he didn’t even bat an eyelid at becoming step-dad. In fact he took it in his stride and loved Marcus like he was his own, even before we had Scarlett. Personally I think this is a bigger achievement than being a biological father. Like the saying goes ‘anyone can be a dad, but it takes a real man to become a father’.

For a man to take on a child that is not his own is something that should be recognised, celebrated and respected. For him to become such a positive and poignant role in a child’s life, to the extent that they choose to call him Dad and boast about him to their friends, is just extraordinary.

So shout out to the step-dads, the men that have such incredible strength and such big hearts, the men that open their lives to these children and raise them like their own and the men that deserve ‘Father’s day’ more than some biological fathers.

 

ColourmeKaty