So a few months ago, my bestie and I took a little trip to Amsterdam. When I say ‘little trip’ I mean it, literally. We got a cruise off Groupon (for £35 each!) which gave us precisely 6 hours in the glorious city.

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If I were to go again I would deffo go for longer. But 6 hours was enough to get a taste of how AMAZING this city is.

Luckily my bestie is as anally organised as I am and we planned our 6 precious hours perfectly so we could fit in (most) of what we wanted to do.

The cruise ship was basic, but it had everything that we needed, beds, bars and bathrooms. Yes the bedrooms were HIDEOUSLY tiny, but who wants to spend loads of time in there when you are out in the middle of the ocean?

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It was soooo good to get away for a few days, to spend some quality time with one of my favourite people and not have to get any small people up, dressed and ready in the morning! I mean, parenting is the best, but a break is needed ever so often…

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So we had a wander around the ship, we went in April so it was cruelly cold and windy, especially when you are travelling super fast on a ship! We saw there was a rooftop bar, I thought it would be like in the movies, sitting casually on the roof of a ship, sipping cocktails with your hair floating in the breeze. Nah, it was hellish. Every single atom that made me me was freezing, I couldn’t see for the hair in my face. There was nothing elegant about it. The view was incredible, what I could see of it through my hair anyway, it was beautiful. For about 3 minutes until we had to run back inside so we could feel our fingers again!

 

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We had some food at the pizzeria on board and if any of you are considering going, BRING A PACK UP. Seriously it was so so expensive, like £20 for 1 pizza. After we snuggled down in our not so large or comfy beds so we were fresh and rejuvenated (ha) for Amsterdam.

 

When we finally arrived it was AMAZING. Seriously, such a beautiful city. But I have to say the best part of it was the food. It was everywhere. Literally every other shop was food. AND SO MUCH CHEESE. I was in cheese heaven. No expensive, crappy pizzas for my dinner, no sirree. I got bags and bags of pastry’s, cakes, donuts…I mean Hi heart attack!

 

If you do go, PLEASE TRY A FEBO. If you love KFC gravy, these taste even better. I can’t tell you what they are made of, we probably don’t want to know. But they are €1 each and taste like heaven. Seriously, Febo FTW.

 

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In between stuffing our faces with all the cheese, we managed to drag our, now 3 stone heavier, asses to the Ice Bar. This is where I discovered the world’s BEST vodka. Now I’m being serious here. Nuts&Nougat Vodka with orange juice. BEST DRINK EVER.

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For some unknown reason, my friend was wearing a thin dress and sandals. So we spent the whole of 7 minutes inside before we had to leave, for fear of her losing a toe or 3.

 

We spent the last hour of our day desperately trying to find the red light district. See Amsterdam is a wonderful city, but let’s be real. You go for the weed and the sex shows. Could we find either? Could we bollocks. We walked around for over an hour in the desperate search of some boobs. Even a little nipple glance would have sufficed by the end of it. But no. Nada. Nothing at all.

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So off we trundled, bags laden with food back to the ship to set sail home.
We decided to go to the ‘club’ that night, I say club loosely. It was a bar, with a dance area and far too much light. But there was Bingo. I mean who doesn’t want to play bingo in a club?
The only benefit of the bingo.. WINNING..yeah you heard me right, we only won! Although I had nipped for a quick loo break so didn’t actually see us win. But I was assured there was no cheating 😉
We split our €250 winnings with the little boy playing next to us, much to his delight, and off we went to duty free for a late night splurge!
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Safe to say, for £35 each, this was the best mini-cruise/city break I have been on. (I haven’t been on that many, but for that price you can’t complain!)
If you love cheese, pastry, cakes, beautiful scenery and the possibility of naked women; I would highly recommend Amsterdam. I will be returning for sure!

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